The day started off great. The Puba was assigned to attend a meeting and present his ad to some executives of an association that was partnered with the Puba’s organization. It was in Napa which meant the Puba would get a chance to stretch his legs and leave the confines of his Tenderloin office.

President: Son, you really hit a homerun with this ad! (this, after he lambasted the original ad)
Puba: Thank you. I’m happy you like it.

So the Puba was in great spirits. He jokes about it being attributed to the Mona Vie shot he was offered by the Bush Baby’s mother. But hell, who knows… if it is good enough for Oprah, it is good enough for the Puba.

www.monavie.com

So how can this day get better you may ask for the Puba? Well, the Puba was intent on winning the CBC championship later that evening.

Tylon’s Brother (on YM): It will not come down to you this week. It will be over by the 9th frame.

The Puba will forever mark that statement as “words that will live in infamy…�

Week 33 of the CBC (Championship Week)

The Puba arrives at 8:34 a.m. and proceeds directly to the Pro Shop to purchase some new thumb inserts as his had lost all the texture from 32 weeks of bowling.

At 8:40 a.m., he sees that millions and millions of his fans had gathered to watch the Puba and his team in action.

At 8:45 a.m. the Puba rips off his old thumb insert and applies a new one. Throws a few balls but it doesn’t feel quite right. He proceeds to add a second one and throws offline… for a 7. Tylon’s Brother again questions the Puba.

TB: Man, why are you messing with that now.
Puba (thinking): What do you know and why must you question the Puba time and time again?
TB (walks over to the Puba’s fans and She-Fiend and complains about how the Puba shouldn’t be messing with his ball at this critical juncture).
Puba’s fans (thinking): The Puba knows what he is doing or else he wouldn’t do it!

The Puba goes up and throws another ball offline… and declares he is ready!

Puba (to Check): I’m ready. We can begin.

Game 1 (Our Only Chance)

The Puba turns around and sees that Da Cheeze, Super, Used & Abused, Little Man, Wayne, Boss Lady, Boss Lady’s baby girl, Little Vito are all there.

1st frame: Strike. (The Puba’s fans knew right off the bat that the Puba’s thumb insert was not an issue… as it never was).

Team 20 starts unloading a barrage.

Tylon’s Brother opens with two straight splits which leaves the Puba disgusted. As the Puba turns to look at his fans, Used & Abused and Super shake their heads.

The barrage continues.

The Puba and the SF continue to fight as we desperately wait for TB to get on track. The entire time, the Puba observes what he notices from last week. The TB is playing tight. He has a hesitant and calculative approach which only suggests he is trying to throw the perfect shot/strike.

By the 5th frame, our 60 pin handicap had vanished.

Puba (to SF): Our handicap is gone. Now we’re bowling head-to-head.
SF (nods her head confidently): Yes.

By the 9th frame, the Puba had connected on his second consecutive strike. He knew he was good for 60 pins in the 10th. The problem was we were down by 40 and the SF and TB needed to connect on at least two strikes each to give the Puba any chance of pulling any heroics in this ill-fated first game.

Needless to say, it did not happen as we came up short by 54 pins. The Puba disgustedly holds off the unnecessary strikes and finishes with a 205. His fans look dejected as the Puba stomps back angrily and eager to start the second game.

Game 2 (The Full Barrage)

We start of the second game rather hot. By the 5th frame, our handicap was still at 30 and we were fending team 20 off… matching their sizzling hot performance.

Then the wheels came falling off. By the 9th frame, it was indeed “over,� and the Puba, despite connecting again on his second strike and staging himself a chance to max out with 60 pins in the 10th frame, did not even have a remote chance to stage any comeback.

The SF, a model of consistency, finishes with another 161. The Puba doesn’t even recall what TB finished with as he was “finished� from the get-go. The Puba finished with a 204 as we suffered a 100 point defeat by the hands of team 20.

Our championship run came to a screeching halt.

Game 3 (Classless)

Bowling the third game was unnecessary as Team 20 had already prevailed. However, Team 20 was hot and any of the three bowlers had an opportunity to bowl an individual high game (perhaps even a 300) to qualify for an award.

Check informed us that they wanted to bowl the last game to make it official and I agreed. Unfortunately, my teammates did not see the point, a reaction that I hope is attributed to being pummeled too hard and not indicative of their gamesmanship.

Needless to say, they hesitatingly obliged. By the 5th frame, the SF lost interest and called it a night. TB hits a strike and ends his 2008 season.

TB: I’m going to go out on a strike (his only “moral� victory of the evening).

Team 20 looks at our team awkwardly as 2/3’s of the team walk off.

The Puba assures them that he will bowl for the rest of them to make (their) game official. Team 20 graciously thanks the Puba, and instead of embarrassing the Puba’s team any further by unloading further destruction, they hold back the horses and let the third game come to an uneventful end… a simple and decent gesture in their part to say the least. At the end of the game, the Puba congratulated all three members of team 20. Team 20 extends warm words to the Puba for finishing the game and for bowling his heart out.

As the Puba walks back to the masses,

Boss Lady: Man, you’ve really calmed down.
Puba: Oh yeah?
Boss Lady: Yeah! Before, you would be cursing up a storm.
Puba: Hahaha… just getting old…

Used & Abused (who handed a bottle of Corona to the Puba): You couldn’t do it alone.
Puba: Yup.
Used & Abused: But you tried…
Puba: Yup.

So that was it. 2nd place. Pack away the fireworks and cancel the parade.

Many thanks go out to Little Vito, Francis, Da Cheeze, The Admiral, Little Cheeze, Boss Lady, Wayne, Baby Boss Lady, Big Dee, Pirate, Super, Bush Baby, and Used & Abused for coming out and lending their support!

TB wants me to grade the season:

Team: B/B-
Assessment: The personalities in this team have never gelled fully, mostly between the Puba and TB. The Puba was constantly doubted by TB over how the Puba should mentor the SF and the Puba’s actions (whether it be him bowling a 128 in the first game of the playoffs, or this week with his thumb inserts). Time and time again, the Puba has proven that there is a method of his madness as he knew the SF needed to change her bowling style instead of relying on a ball that will eventually deteriorate. TB disagreed and the SF’s game eventually suffered.

On a whole, given the cards we were dealt, each of us made the most of it. We were the 2nd half leaders. But to be so close, and to fall short in such an unattractive fashion exposes our team for the dysfunctional and volatile personas that, at times, allowed us to bowl better just to spite one another and to falter with little team support.

She-Fiend: B- (season)/B (playoffs)
Assessment: Shades of success were quickly extinguished. Still, I saw something in the SF that can one day make her a better bowler. The interesting part of it is that I noticed it not when she was bowling great for the 1 month period, but when the pressha was applied.

The SF has an ability to step up. The problem is she is not one to like the additional pressha and tends to shy away from it. But when her back is against the wall, the claws (albeit small at the moment) do come out.

Her major rise this season was when she got her new ball after several weeks of urging from me. For 4 weeks, she realized that there is another level of her game that she can attain. But it takes diligence, something she is also not very fond of… which leads me to…

Her major downfall this season is also when she got her new ball. Instead of listening to me and following a more difficult path, the SF allowed herself to take it easy and let the ball do the work. At times, she literally dropped the ball and it would go in for a strike. Ultimately, failing to (re)learn how to bowl correctly led to a late season inability to take over games and carry our team.

Tylon’s Brother: B (season)/D (playoffs)
Assessment: I must hand it to TB that he was able to elevate his game this season. Most of the season, I noticed more command in his approach which led to more strikes/success. In addition, his hunger for victory was admirable, but at times, was borderline ruthless as I feel in large part that it interfered with the SF’s development (as he pushed her to maintain her style of bowling when she acquired her new ball). In such an instant, his short-sightedness led him to mortgage away the future simply to achieve instant gratification… otherwise known as “winning the battles, but losing the war…�

As fore-mentioned earlier, his inability to trust that the Puba knows what he is doing also was a major drawback. Unlike Da Cheeze, who has gone to war with the Puba in the past, TB makes it a point to question and downplay the Puba’s strategy and actions in more than one occasion. In some instances, I’ve noticed that it takes away from his own bowling as he loses focus and concentration with the task at hand.

The playoffs also exposed TB for his inability to bowl in pressha moments… “when all eyes are on you, when all hope is almost lost…�

Several blogs back, I alluded to a bowler’s ability to carry the load, carry his team to victory by himself. TB, at the moment, does not have that ability, and that is one of the few things that he lacks in his game (besides power and pressha bowling). If and when he is able to garner that and be as the Puba like to say, “Da whole f’en show,� TB will be a force to reckon with.

The Grand Puba: B+ (season)/A- (playoffs)
Assessment: The Puba was on fire for most of the season as he was able to amass 13-600 series and 39-200 games out of 96. There was a part of the season that the Puba did lose interest and faltered. But when it counted, the Puba was quick to unload a massive amount of pain on his opponents.

Along the way, the Puba also failed in that he could not help the SF reach her full potential. While it requires all parties to make it work, perhaps the Puba should have been more insistent to get the SF to develop a correct method of bowling.

Spare shooting was also a hindrance much of the season, as the Puba relied on striking to get him and his team out of trouble. While it worked for most of the season, consistency issues will arise if that part of the Puba’s game fails to develop.

In the playoffs, the Puba demonstrated once again that he is force to be reckon with. Pressha moments were aplenty and the Puba took them head on with only one thing in mind: to come out on top! The best moment will be forever etched in the minds of Team 13, Check, his teammates, and all the millions and millions of people that were watching as the Puba collected 4 straight strikes to send his team into the championship round.

And while the Puba prides himself for being able to assess a situation, he did fail in judgment when he invited his millions and millions of Puba fans to the championship game. The Puba knew TB was not having his “finer� moments with the “additional eyes� staring on, and to open the most important game of the year to his fans meant that he was “throwing TB to the lions…� The Puba will have to accept that as a blunder in his part.

**********************************
What likes ahead now is the summer season. This union of the SF, TB, and the Grand Puba is officially over with each of our fate (along with Da Cheeze, Bush Baby, and Used & Abused) to be determined by the row of a dice, a pick from a hat, a swipe of a fly…

But rest assured readers that the many CBC Adventures of the Grand Puba will live on for many years to come…

32 weeks of CBC all culminates to tonite.

Will we be second best, the runner-ups, the first losers... or will we be the forever labeled as the best CBC team in 2008, the champions...?

It all comes down to tonite...

8:30 p.m. Classic Bowling Center. The Whole F'en Show...!

Another lackluster performance by the Cannons this Saturday has left me uninspired and dejected.

Against the number one team in the division, the Cannons managed 5 measly runs (4 driven in myself). My string of 4 straight games of having someone drive me home other than myself has now reached 5. Utterly pathetic.

This week, the defense of all things collapsed as our right side was exposed and punished.

What is most disappointing was that we could of and should of won this game… rather easily. But despite Judge’s good hitting (3 for 4) and my output (3 for 4, triple, 4 RBI’s), we were once again left pondering why the same band of individuals cannot, for the love of Christ, hit the ball out of the infield.

Icing on the cake: After Ray boots an easy grounder at 1B, I snipe at him. John, our 3B, yells my name. I turn around and the softball is thrown right at my shin. A perfect ending to an otherwise sh*tty weekend of Cannons softball.

Another fan once asked me, “Puba, don’t you ever get tired of being the Grand Puba?�

He was shocked when I told him that at times, even the Puba gets tired of being the Grand Puba.

So he delved further and asked, “So what keeps the Puba going?�

“Simple…,� I said. “Beating the odds and coming out on top!�

In turn, he pondered, “So success is what the Puba tries to attain?�

“Nope,� as the Puba got all philosophical on his ass. “Success is not a destination, it is a journey…�

The fan looked bewildered…

“Just like time is a predator that stalks you…�

The Puba laughed as he left his fan standing there like a buffoon, baffled and puzzled…

Monday, April 28th, 2008

The Puba’s knee was still bothering him. Each time he extended it, he could feel the joint cracking. Not good… not good at all. Not to mention the pain.

Prognosis: 40% chance the Puba performs on Tuesday night’s CBC Playoffs.

Tuesday, April 29th, 2008 (morning)

The Puba woke up and felt a little better. The pain had subsided a little, but the knee was still tender. Hope was there.

Prognosis: 60% chance the Puba can give it a go.

Tuesday, April 29th, 2008 (noon)

The Puba gets bombarded in YM by his many fans about the status of his knee. “Who’s going to put on a show if the Grand Puba is not able to bowl?!� they all asked.

The Puba’s response, “Your mutha…�

Tuesday, April 29th, 2008 (afternoon)

Tylon’s Brother is extremely concerned that the Puba is going to hurt his chance of a victory tonight. He even dare ask the Puba to sit it out.

The Puba assures that unfaithful fool that the Puba is fine. He is at 70%. And at 70%, he is 10x better than the average trick. Our team needed two wins, and the Puba told him to not pee in his pants, as the Puba is “good for 2 wins.�

Tuesday, April 29th 2008 (8:37 p.m.)

The Puba arrives at Classic Bowl. Instead of practicing, he stands around and absorbs the moment. Then, all of a sudden, he gets a phone call from none other than Tylon’s Brother.

Tylon’s Brother: Sh*t, I forgot my bowling ball!

Puba: Unbelievable.

Tylon’s Brother: I’m leaving home right now with it. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.

Puba: Yeah, whatever.

Puba (to She-Fiend): Our fearless leader forgot his bowling ball of all things…

She-Fiend (laughs): Damn, on the biggest night too!

Puba (to Skeletor and the Cat): Our last bowler is going to be 10 minutes late because he forgot his bowling ball.

Cat (jokes): He can use mine!

Everyone laughs.

Week 32 of the CBC (Position Round)

Team 12 – Victorious Secret (43-17) vs Team 13 (42.5-17.5)

Helen “She-Fiend� – 152 avg
Dave “Tylon’s Brother� – 179 avg
Tommy “Grand Puba� – 190 avg

Versus

Xue “Fay Jai’s GF� – 128 avg
Catherine “Cat� – 157 avg
Alex “Skeletor� – 175 avg

We had to give up 54 handicap pins.

Game 1 (Time to Panic)
TB (Tylon’s Brother) finally shows up and leads the charge. In fact, he is the only one connecting as the other five bowlers, including the Puba, are unable to get going.

SF (She-Fiend) finishes in the 110s as Little Vito has left her to watch the Spurs/Suns game. TB pumps out a strong 184. Puba suffers a 128.

Fortunately and unfortunately, Team 13 also fails to bowl well, but comes out on top by 34 pins.

After the first game, Team 12 (43-18), Team 13 (43.5-17.5).

There is a sense of panic amongst our team, as TB underhandedly tries to persuade the Puba to sit it out so that they can use the Puba’s 190 avg. But like any great fighter, the Puba would not have it!

Game 2 (Unspeakable!)

The sense of urgency has kicked in. We needed to win and win by enough to make up the 34 pins in case we dropped our third game and needed to count the overall score for our second victory.

The Puba comes out running… not like a cheetah, but perhaps an antelope. Limited much of the night by his knee, the Puba had to give up his power game and apply finesse. That meant less strikes and more spares.

Little Vito returns to inform us that the Spurs won. Being a Spurs fan, I was elated.

SF claims Little Vito not being there was the reason why she didn’t bowl well. She elevates her game to a 148. Still, it was not good enough. TB holds steady with a 177.

Game defining moment: The Puba talks to Check, our league secretary, about how the lanes are inconsistent. Check reassures the Puba that he is doing a good job as the Puba was operating off of two strikes coming into the 10th frame. With the game literally tied, the Puba gets a little too amped and ambitious as he tries to power for a third consecutive strike. Instead, he is left with a 7 split. Disgusted with himself, he yells, “&#^@!,� and stomps over to a seat away from everyone.

Skeletor comes up and smoothly unloads a strike. By this time, 20 people have surrounded our lanes and were witnessing the show. BAM! 2nd strike. This one, more convincing than the first… The crowd cheers on and hands Skeletor congratulatory high-fives.

The Puba sits and fumes over how he allowed a golden opportunity slip by. Skeletor needs an 8 to tie and a 9 for victory.

The pivitol moment arrives. The ball is released. Silence.

BLUCK BLUCK! Oh my god! 3 pins still stand. The bystanders give out a collective, “AWWWWW!�

As everyone looks up at the flashing score (518-517), TB screams in elation as disaster is averted.

TB (to Puba): What do you think of that, SON!

The Puba walks away and just shakes his head as his heart races. As he leans toward the counter, Anh says, “Man, you gave it to them, and they just gave it back.�

The Puba just laughed as he could not generate anything to say.

TB wants me to add this little excerpt about his conversation after Game 2:

Fat Leo: Nobody is rooting for you guys.
TB: Nope.
Fat Leo: Who loves you man?
TB (defiantly): The Lord does…
Fat Leo proceeds to give TB a crazy ass look.

Game 3 (Divine Intervention)

The Puba and his teammates are jacked.

Puba (screaming): We cannot count on the overall. We just have to win this game outright!

TB and SF: Yeah!

We’re off to a hot start, yet Team 13 is sticking close. By the 3rd frame, we’re neck and neck. Puba notices that TB and SF are trying to observing the scores too closely.

Puba (exuding mad intensity): Just focus on your game! Everyone f’en bowls 200! If we do that, we fe’n win! It doesn’t matter what those fools do!

SF is hitting strikes, but she is also opening as she is unable to spare up. After SF opens again in the 6th frame, the Puba slams his plastic cup on the table, displaying his displeasure. Everyone turns around for a brief moment, but gets back to the game.

TB lets the moment get to him. He wants it so badly that he can taste it. He lives it. He dreams it. He can’t get enough of it. Yet, the moment is too much for him as he can’t hit any strikes and his consistent spare game begins to show holes.

During the 8th frame, the Puba feels a draft come from his left. He looks over at the door, but it is not open. He looks over at Little Vito, who is sitting in front of him, but Vito is unfazed. The draft felt directional, as if it were nudging the Puba towards the lane. The Puba thinks for a moment and wonders if his loving aunt is once again pushing him to rise during his darkest hour, during his team’s darkest hour, when all seems lost.

The Puba sees TB miss on a 4-7 spare conversion. TB never misses those, but tonight, in this game, at this juncture, he came up empty. The Puba glances at TB’s eyes. Hope had faded. The Puba strikes.

After the 9th frame, we are down by 30 pins.

SF and Fay Jai’s GF have matched up spares. SF opens and finishes with a 143. Fay Jai’s GF connects on a strike and finishes with an 8 and a 142. The deficit grows to 48 pins.

Next up was TB and the Cat who were operating off strikes. Unable to connect on a second strike, TB plays defense and connects on a critical and difficult 2-8-9 spare. He finishes with a strike. The Cat opens with an 8, giving up the 18 pins they gained. The deficit returns to 30 pins.

435 to 465.

By this time, the crowd has inflated to 35 people. Even the Bush Baby, Da Cheeze, and Used & Abused made their way over and had front row seats to the action.

The Puba had two strikes coming in. Skeletor had a spare coming in. The odds of us succeeding were really low. As TB finished his 2nd half bowling with a 154, he is quiet and gives the Puba a dejected low-five as he sense all our diligence from the 2nd half is lost.

What to do? What to do?

The Puba’s strategy all season long is to be the hunter. Despite being behind and the underdog, the Puba wanted to apply the pressure and the only way to do that was to connect on a third.

The Puba grabs his ball… his palm sweaty, his heart racing furiously. Just then, he decides to take his hand off, and wipe it across his shirt. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and exhales softly with “Give me the strength to do this…�

Again there is silence. The Puba exerts all his force as he grunts and releases the ball. Pain from the knee is nonexistent. Distraction, sorrow, pain, and life were at a standstill…

POW! STRIKE! TURKEY!

465-465.

Skeletor watches on and proceeds to end the game. He unloads his best ball of the night as well. However, 6 spins stands defiantly.

465-483.

He connects on the easy but tense spare.

465-484.

The Puba stands and watches on. In the background, he hears TB yell, “Come on, man! Do it!� The Puba turns around and see TB watching intently as he is almost on his tip-toes. Even the SF cannot contain the amount of pressure the moment was dictating.

The Puba grabs his Black Widow. This time, he whispers, “They’re all counting on you. This is… YOUR TIME!�

The Puba sensed his left arm getting stronger and knew he could not contain or control it. There was only one way to give himself a chance and not risk f’ing up. He had to throw a straighter ball to compensate.

The silence again is deafening as the ball is released. Half way into travel, the Puba notices it take a different course. “It has to hit it from the backside,� as the Puba point with his right arm.

BLOOK, BLIK (as the final (8) pin tips over)!

TB: Sh*t yeah!

The crowd cheers loudly as they knew at that moment they were witnessing greatness at its best!

The Puba, unable to contain himself, ran to his right toward another set of lanes (Pogie’s). In his joy, he inadvertently slips and sprains his left ankle falling towards the counter and knocking Pogie’s hot coffee all over his left hand. The adrenaline was still pumping, and the pain from the hand and ankle did not kick in yet.

485-484

Still there was one throw left. If Skeletor makes a strike, the Puba would need to unload his 5th straight strike to win.

Skeletor heads up, and as can be expected, the moment is too much for him as he shanks the throw and finishes off with a 6.

485-490.

In the background, I can hear TB and SF rejoicing but collecting themselves as they both have seen weirder situations. The pressure was still on as I needed a 6 to close out.

Instead of taking too much time thinking about it, the Puba picked up his ball and threw it down the middle.

POCK! 8! The Puba turns around and looks up to the masses staring down at him. And at that moment, he raises his right arm and clinches his fist. With the thumb fully extended, he yanks it across his neck!

493-490.

The greatest comeback has been completed. The crowd, who was so lopsided against us, were now clapping for us, albeit hesitatingly.

We were the 2nd half champions of the CBC!

Final record - Team 12: 45-19, Team 13: 44.5-18.5

TB: Puba! Puba! Puba! That was f’en clutch man! (as he gives double high-fives to the Puba).

The SF gives the Puba a high-five and Little Vito offers up a fist smash. Check offers his congratulations and shakes the Puba’s hand for an awesome f’en show!

To quote TNT, it was “DRAMA, AT ITS FINEST…�

Give me your lunch money (Money I took from others):

She-Fiend: -$1
Tylon’s Brother: 0
Da Cheeze: $2
Judge: -$2

Total: -$1

Conversation after the game:

Bush Baby’s Brother: So you won?
Puba: Yeah.
Puba (thinking to himself): Don’t pretend you fool, you know you saw it. And you know as damn sure well, you wish you were the Puba. But you ain’t!
Bush Baby’s Brother: Oh congratulations? Where’s Ali?
Puba (pointing to the Bush Baby): Over there.
Puba (thinking to himself): Don’t pretend you fool, you know where she’s at. Where else? Watching the Puba put on a f’en show!

Another conversation after the game:

Little Vito: That was awesome man!
Puba: Thanks!
Puba and Little Vito do another fist smash.
Puba: Hey Victor. What you saw out there…
Little Vito: Yeah…
Puba: It happens all the time.
Little Vito laughs.

On a side note: The SuperBowl is next Tuesday. Come out and watch the f’en show!

Saturday had it's great moments:

1. Cannons, despite having to deal with another player who failed to show up by game time, came from ahead, then behind, to win an exciting game. Final score against the Rhinos, 16-14.

2. Afterwards, I rushed to Twin Creeks to play 3 more games at the SMASH Tournament. All games ended with the mercy rule (game is over after one team leads by 10+ runs after 5 innings). Fortunately, our team, managed my Eric, were victorious 2 out of the 3 games. 16 teams moved on to Sunday; we were in the 7th seed.

1st Game
2-2, 2 Runs, 1 RBI, we win 13-3 in 5 innings.

2nd Game
1-3, we lose 18-8 in 6 innings. One of our players gets blasted by a line drive at 1st base. Broke 2 ribs. Lucky... any higher, it could of been his vertebrae, any lower, his liver and other organs.

3rd Game (vs Geezus Jesus!'s team)
2-4, we win 24-7 in 5 innings.

After the SMASH tournament, I raced back to Francis's house to celebrate Randall's berfday. The Pirate and Big Dee brought over Rock Band, and we all jammed the night away. Needless to say, I was a better singer than a drum player, and a guitar player, and a bass player...

Saturday also had its shabbier moments:

1. I called Ryan, my cousin, 5 minutes before game time. Apparently he just woke up (no doubt from a long evening of partying for his berfday). Again, the Cannons were faced with another uphill battle, playing 9 to start the game. And of course, I go berserk again for the lack of consideration and thoughtfulness displayed by one of our own.

2. Last game of the SMASH Tournament, while playing left-center, I slip on the grass attempting to make a catch. My right knee is swollen and in pain.

I hope it does not affect the Grand Puba's performance on Tuesday when we bowl for the 2nd half championship.

************************

Just got word that we finished in 2nd place at the SMASH tournament. Lost to the same team we lost to on Saturday.

A fan once asked me:

“What is it that makes you the Puba? What is it that sets you apart from others?�

The Grand Puba asked him to clarify. He delved deeper:

“I mean, let’s talk about the CBC. Others have good weeks just like the Puba.�

The Puba laughed… and told him:

“What sets the Puba apart from the rest of these peeps is that the Puba is the “Whole F’en Show!�

The fan looked stunned! Yet, he wanted, he needed to hear more…

“Da Whole F’en Show!?�

The Puba sighed and said:

“Listen, you’re right that everyone has good weeks. BUT! The Puba is unique in that instead of always having to rely on his teammates to do well, he makes it point to put his team on his shoulders during their darkest hour, and carry them to victory.�

“And sure, even the Puba has some piss-poor days now and then. But those that know the Puba, know that at any given moment, at any given night, the Puba can strike and is the man to watch out for. He is the catalyst, the centerpiece, the whole Kit ‘N Kaboodle… They look over at the Puba’s team, and they know that the Puba has the capability and the tools to destroy them.�

“You got that!�

The flabbergasted fan responds, “Yes, Puba.�

Week 31 of the CBC

The Puba arrives at 8:40 p.m (10 minutes late) as he was running behind from taking garbage out at his new home. His back was tight from all the painting and softball during the weekend. For a brief moment, there was a little feeling of doubt that crossed his mind as to whether he could perform at an optimum level. He knew that warming up was not going to help much. Only adrenaline and sheer anger would shield the pain.

The Puba’s team is in 3rd place, one game behind 1st, half a game behind 2nd. This week, they need a mighty showing against the sandbagging team known as AA&J.

AA&J – Team 16, 17th place with a 26-30 record.

Angela (Da Leader of the Pack) – 168 avg

Joyce (Pure Weakness) – 143 avg

Alice (Ultimate Sandbagger) – 162 avg

vs

Helen (She-Fiend) – 153 avg

David (Tylon’s Brother) – 179 avg

Tommy (Grand Puba) – 189 avg

The Puba’s team gives 43 pins in handicap.

Game 1 – Don’t mind if the Puba do!

Before the game even started, Tylon’s Brother tried to joke with AA&J about letting us win.

Tylon’s Brother: Hey, just let us win 4 so we can bowl in the championship game.

Da Leader: What? You guys always win.

Tylon’s Brother: No, you’re mistaken. We don’t always win.

Da Leader: Yes, you do. (She points to the Puba.) He always bowls good against us.

Puba: …

Tylon’s Brother: Oh, he is usually with another team, so his team does well, not us.

She-Fiend: Yeah, he’s usually not with us.

Puba: …

Da Leader: Oh yeah…?

The Ultimate Sandbagger arrives at 9 p.m. (half an hour late) and give her team a sh*tty performance (127). The Puba and his teammates wonder if she is sandbagging. Da Leader tries to shoulder the load, but fails as she succumbs to a 158. Pure Weakness proves why she is called, “Pure Weakness,� as she barely breaks a 100 (103).

The She-Fiend, who brought Little Vito along for moral support, could not get going, as she struggles to a 118. Tylon’s Brother, who wants to win extremely badly, only managed a 160. With no one from both teams wanting to be the star, the Puba stepped up to the plate and unloaded a 202.

Game won… by 49 pins.

Throughout the first game, we watched the second place team (Skeletor) bowl right beside us against the “awesome� Albert and the “injured� Jan. Albert was able to seal the deal with 4 consecutive strikes, thus propelling us ahead of Skeletor’s team.

Good news was everywhere, as 10 lanes down, Da Cheeze and Used & Abused gave me thumbs up, indicating they had destroyed an undermanned Pogie’s team, who started off the night in 1st place.

Game 2 - It’s time to LEVEL UP!

Knowing that we were now at least tied for 1st place and confident that the Puba was operating on all cylinders tonite, the She-Fiend and Tylon’s Brother elevated their performance by raising their games to 149 and 195 respectively.

It was a good thing they did as Da Leader, Pure Weakness, and the Ultimate Sandbagger shot up their game to 174, 124, and 172 respectively.

Of course, the Puba can’t let anyone steal the show as he powers for a 209.

Game won… by 40 pins.

Mid-game conversation:

Tylon’s Brother: Man, you got to say something to her (She-Fiend). You got to correct her bowling.

Puba: …

Tylon’s Brother (to She-Fiend): You got to throw it like you did when you first got the ball.

She-Fiend: If I remember how I threw it, wouldn’t you think I would be doing it now?

Puba: …

Little could they understand that the Puba had already analyzed the path to victory. As much as the She-Fiend is instrumental in our team winning, tonight, the Puba needed to be focused on his game to secure victory before he offered bowling lessons.

Action beside us…

Skeletor’s team manages to barely win as Albert throws a weak 6 after two strikes to lose the game by 10. The dirty deed was done. Albert and Jan secured their one game. It was upon us now to control our destiny.

Da Cheeze, Bush Baby, and Used & Abused continued to give the “thumbs up.� This time, it was accompanied with the “Peace�sign… for two games!

Game 3 – The Puba’s ENCORE…

Da Leader storms for a 199. Pure Weakness rolls along for a 122. Ultimate Sandbagger cruises for a 167.

The She-Fiend holds steady with a 145. Tylon’s Brother rolls his average.

But it was over by the 7th Frame…, as the Puba had taken complete control of the game.

Tylon’s Brother (to the Puba): End it!

The Puba proceeds to unload his 6th strike of the game.

By the 10th frame, the Puba had striked every frame except the 3rd (open-9).

Tylon’s Brother (whispers to the Puba): Slow it down…

The Puba nonchalantly throws an 8-spare to finish the 10th. Then he turns around and spots Skeletor looking on (they just finished their games and were 3-1 for the week). Sensing the opportunity to send a message, the Puba unloads his final ball extra violently, obliterating every pin in sight and turns around and give a snarl. 245.

Game, set, match. We win by 38 pins.

Skeletor observes the entire finale with an expression that can only be described as “how a person would look after discovering someone just stole his tricycle.�

Used & Abused just smiles as he knows the Puba’s final act was, as he often loves to say, “Unnecessary!� Da Cheeze, having bowled the Puba for so many years, already knows the outcome, and whips out his lunch money. The Bush Baby, after taking 2 weeks off, looks on with amazement and disgust as she sees the Puba deliver again on what he promises.

This week: 4-0. 1st Place is now secured heading into the position round.

Give me your lunch money! (Money I took from others…)

She-Fiend: $3
Tylon’s Brother: $3
Da Cheeze: $4
Used & Abused: $2 (escapes with a 204 first game)

Total: $12

Conversation after I take their lunch money:

Da Leader: Wow, you win money from people also.

Puba: Of course, you gotta pay to watch me bowl.

Da Leader (shakes her head and laugh): What?! They have to pay to watch you bowl?!

Puba (w/ a wicked sly smile): Mm…Hmm

Conversation as we leave the CBC:

Puba (to his teammates): We did good tonite. Now we’re in first place.

Tylon’s Brother: Nah, you did great Puba. You carried the team tonite!

Puba: Of course I did. That’s why I’m the Grand Puba.

Conversation in the car on the way home:

Bush Baby: Hey, don’t I get some money too for knocking out the first place team!

Puba: Sure you do! Tell you what, I’ll give you some of my lunch money winnings.

Bush Baby (smiles): Nah, that’s okay.

Puba: No, really. And as a token of appreciation, I’ll call you the ‘Baby Puba’ as well!

Additional tidbits:

I was made aware that there is another reader of this blog. Enjoy the reading, Deeznutz!